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Rant

2008-08-06T22:00:09Z

I can't decide how I feel about it but Eddie's become quite the little shopper (online, Ebay and Craigslist)... It wouldn' t bother me at all if we were a little better off in the money area; and he's not spending TOO much- but at the same time it's more than we'd decided on. He works and makes all the money to pay the bills and keep food on the table and I totally appreciate it and am thankful- like I've said a million times I'm sure- that I get to stay home with the baby, and I know he doesn't really like his job, so if buying old video games to play is something like a hobbie then it's hard for me to put my foot down and ask him to knock it off because we don't seem to have many hobbies anymore. He told me the other day that a friend from work (whos become a family friend) asked him how much of the stuff in our house is his and how much of it is mine, it kinda make me giggle because yes, its a good point; I have a hard time buying things for myself and/or spending money on things if I we don't really NEED it where he's totally not that way. I appreciate that we have a nice TV and a suround sound system and all the game systems that we do, but you can only play one game at a time, and with Ayden getting bigger and wanting and needing to be played/interacted with its my thought that the 75+ games he has for the different systems is enough. Haha I guess its give and take/choose your battles right?

On a different note, I think we've finally nailed down some plans for Aydens birthday which is a good thing because I've sort of developed a liking for plans/schedules which I think is because with a baby it makes things a lot easier. We'll have on party of Sat (the day before his birthday) with his moms side of the family, and then one on Sun with his Dads side of the family. Ugh and I'm finding it a lot harder than I thought to choose decorations and such; so many to choose from.

hannienannie424 @ 2008-08-05T12:31:00

2008-08-05T19:55:13Z

In the past I've been the queen of bad diets (the reason I started using drugs was to loose weight so thats gotta say something about my crazyness). I'm at a point now where I want to be able to loose some weight in order to feel better about myself and be as healthy as I can be, but I'm not really sure where to go with it. I've known a couple people who have done the Weight Watchers thing, and Bob Greene was on Rancale Ray yesterday talking about his Best Life Diet but I"m pretty sure the husband wouldn't be confortable with me doing one of those kind of programs because of past medical stuff. Then theres the gyms that one could join, but I'm not so sure thats a great idea for me either (ugh something about the gym just gets to me, all those "perfect" bodies and the comparisons and such). Then of corse theres just eating right (less and "better" food) and getting enough exercise which I guess should be easy enough, but with my tendencies it doesnt seem to be that simple. It's been a battle for such a long time, I sometimes wonder if it'll ever REALLY get better... Only time, and a little bit of effort will tell I guess.

Scrapbooking (randomness)

2008-08-05T04:25:12Z

I havent been able to find time to scrapbook for quite some time now and I've been really missing it! I've only been able to do Ayden's time spent in the NICU and maybe a couple pics from his first week or so at home... and then a Christmas album but that doesn't really count because it was one of those from Hallmark that are all laid out for you (cute yes, but not as much fun because you don't have to tap into your creative side as much as you do when it starts blank). Its really something I want to have done for him (I'm not sure he'll appreciate it much) so maybe its more for me, but none the less its something I really like doing, and hobbies seem to be few and far between these days..

I was thinking that I could do it while the little man is taking a nap, but there always seems like theres other more pressing things that I should be doing (cleaning usually) and anyone with a little one who crawls knows that when their awake its hard to get much of anything done... And I would love to be able to drop him off with an Aunt or Grandma to have a little mommy time, but with them all living 45 minutes away, I just don't see it working out. I was going through all the pics that I've printed out (to use) and had forgot about a bunch of them. It seems like I'm always taking pictures of one thing or another, and have way more printed than I think I could use, so maybe a picture frame or two are needed.

hannienannie424 @ 2008-08-03T20:32:00

2008-08-04T03:55:00Z

So I've been trying to get things together for Ayden's 1st birthday which has been fun (you only get one 1st birthday!), but its also been kinda tough planning, because of Eddie's many families... My parents weren't ever divorced, same goes for the majority of my family, but Eddie has a lot of divorced and remarried family, so its made planning the birthday sort of hard because we can't just have everyone get together in one place. And since we have a small appartment I guess its better that people arent here, but at the same time I wish we could. I know they dont mind having us over and whatever, but I donno, something inside just wishes it was different. But it'll be fun none the less!!

He loves Daddys Xbox controlers and
is constantly after them

Random...

2008-08-03T06:37:43Z

It seems like it was just a couple of month ago that I was in the hospital for 3 days, sent home on bed rest, and going back to the hospital 5 days later to have Ayden! I can't believe its been 2 weeks shy of a year!! Haha people said that time would fly, but I didnt realize just how fast it would slip away. Although the little man has been quite a handful (and will continue to be such) but I'm SO thankful I'm able to stay home with him and not have to send him to a day care or a babysitter! Although money seems to be getting tighter we've decided it wouldnt be worth it for me to go back to work because I'd only be working to pay for day care since I wouldnt be able to make what Eddie does. So we'll go over our budget and spending yet again and see what we can cut out.

I've been looking into a bunch of the work from home job type stuff, but havent found anything that really seems like it would pay out/be reliable... But today my sister in law was telling me that she bloggs (Pay Per Post) and makes a little extra, so I think I might just have to look into it and see where it takes me and what I might be able to get out of it (every little bit could help because I get SO stressed about money).

So Cute!!

2008-07-30T20:17:43Z

I took Ayden to have his picture taken today. The other day we at Sams Club and I was stopped on the way in and this guy started talking about having Aydens picture taken, and since 1. I suck at saying no and 2. it was only $15 (for the sitting fee and a 10x13 pic), I decided it would be worth it... He looked so cute!! It was one of those 1920's- 1930's era themed sessions, and I picked the perfect time, he was in a great mood and cooperated as well as an 11 month old could.. We get to see the pics in a couple weeks so we'll know if they turned out or if we should have others (because his b-days right around the corner) done.

hannienannie424 @ 2008-07-29T13:49:00

2008-07-29T21:31:23Z

The house is a bit of a mess, and there seems to be no place for anything, but am I cleaning it?? Not so much. Yes I've picked up some of the stuff that has a place but somehow failed to make it there- which seems to happen all too often... and I managed to clean the kitchen, but the bathroom and bedrooms seem to be a mess, and the daily vacuuming needs to happen. Ayden's taking a nap so it would be an ideal time to get something done since he makes it so hard to get anything done when he's awake because he's into one thing or another but its one of those days where I dont feel like doing a thing.

I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what needs to be said to my parents, but nothing sounds right. Its a really long story but my dad flipped out on Eddie- the husband... We went to see my family and my sister thought it would be funny to put a picture of the dogs over Eddies picture (why that would be funny I'm not exactly sure)... Eddie got mad and swore a bit and walked outside. Then my dad came in and the girls told him what had happened and he was pissed that Eddie swore in his house so he went outside and flipped out... Yelling he said that Eddie wasnt good enough for me, hasnt done anything with his life, and that he has a chip on his shoulder and feels sorry for himself and that he has "short man syndrome." Where that all came from I have no idea, but it all came out at once in a rant. WOW! I was hurt and mad and a million other things at once, and we left. I cant figure out why he'd say that Eddie hasnt done anything with his life, not only has he turned his life around and gone from a addict to an acceptable member of society, he's been the best thing thats ever happened to me and takes care of Ayden and I.

Anyway! I talked to my mom a couple of days after it all went down and she sort of sided with my dad which doesnt make sense since she was saying how sorry she was and crying as I was taking Ayden to the car, but whatever! When I'd talked to her she said she'd have my dad call me which still has yet to happen and its been almost 6 months. The only other contact I've had with the famil has been messages... My mom left me a message telling me that she was going to have my phone turned off by 3 (left the message at 10 or 11). And the other message she left the day before Eddie and I got married (returning the call I'd made 2 weeks before telling them that we were going to get married and that they were more than welcome to come blah blah blah) telling me that they'd got the message and to have a nice life, that I'd need to call if I ever wanted to come up to their house, good luck, and to have a nice life once again. I was blown away to say the least.!

Its been bother me more and more the last couple of days. I donno if it might be because Aydens going to be a year old in a couple of weeks and they arent going to be a part of it, and they dont seem to care! So I've been writing and rewriting letters to send them, but like I said, nothing seems right. I can't see things ever being the same with them, but its most hurtful that they dont seem to care or want to be a part of my life. Yes I might have been hard to deal with when I was younger, but it seems to me like once they found out I'd been using and after I went to rehab they were done with me... I'm doing better and feeling better than I have in probably 6 or 7 years and they aren't there to see the real me...

But enough ranting and raving for now... Ayden should be awake in a little while so I'm off to be productive and clean clean clean!

hannienannie424 @ 2008-07-25T16:50:00

2008-07-25T23:45:40Z

Name: Hanna
Status: Married to the man of my dreams
Age: 22
Location: Northern California
Children: Ayden, 11 months
SAHM/ WOHM/ WAHM: SAHM, looking into working from home

Hobbies: It seems like all of my hobbies have been left behind since having a baby, but I'm finally starting to get back into things I love... playing softball, scrapbooking, working out, skiing, reading, hanging out with family. video games with the husband (i've had to learn cuse he loves his games), NHL (Go Sharks), and I'm learning to like cooking (need to spice things up a bit)

More About Me: After having Ayden 2 months early, I'm so happy to be able to say that he was/is as healthy as can be! I've been really wanting to get connected to mom's around my age who share similar interests. I've been clean and sober for almost 2 years and have worked hard to maintain my sobriety which is very important to me. I'm pretty laid back and tend to be on the quiet side but love to have a good time. I'm working on getting in the hang of updating/posting daily, feel free to add me or leave a comment.

hannienannie424 @ 2008-07-25T16:39:00

2008-07-25T23:43:48Z

I've been trying to quite smoking for a while now. My husband and I got a prescription for a quit smoking aid and have been taking it, and although it helps I'm still having a hard time buckling down and really quitting. I can last until about 1-2 without having a smoke but by the time Ayden goes down for a nap its the one thing I guess I do for myself or something, lets me unwind... I'm down from a pack a day (after I had the little guy I picked up the habbit again, and "only" smoked a couple a week when I was prego) to 4-5 a day which is improvement, but its not good enough..I've only been a smoker for almost 4 years, which isn't too long compared to some people, but it's such a hard thing to stop!

So I'm going to set tomorrow, Saturday July 26th as the day. Maybe having some accountability out there will be helpful. Wish me luck!

Love being a mommy...

2008-07-24T22:28:40Z

But it's getting hard not knowing people who live close. Since we moved a year ago I haven't made much of an effort to meet new people and make friends because I was thinking that we'd move... And after having Ayden I was busy enough, but now that we're in a routine and whatever, I'm really missing having outside connections. I sort of hate to say it because I'm SO thankful I'm able to stay home and do the mommy thing without having to worry about babysitters/child care, but it gets sort of lonely when the only conversation you have is with a 11 month old.

So I've done my homework and found a group that meets in my area and am going to push myself to give it a shot, it couldnt hurt, and they've got a lot of different activities so I hope it'll take up some time and get me (and Ayden) interacting with other people.

Dark Knight

2008-07-23T05:52:09Z

Was AMAZING! and seenig it in IMAX made pop! I just saw Batman Begins a couple of weeks ago (for the first time and loved it) but The Dark Knight was one of the best movies I've ever seen! Heath Ledger did an outstanding job, and its a shame he passed away because he would have won some awards for sure! I can't recall any profanity used (maybe I just wasnt paying attention) and there was hardly any blood- both seem hard to find in a good movie these days. We'll be seeing it again in the weeks to come, GOOD STUFF!

Next on the list of movies I can't wait to see is Harry!!!

Oh the joys!

2008-04-09T23:08:06Z

We went to Ayden's long dr's appt and he checked out SO well!! As we were waiting we saw a couple whom we knew fron the NICU and their little guy. As nice as it was to see them, my heart ached for them and their struggles with their baby. He wasn;t as lucky as Ayden and the mommy didn't get the shot to help develop the lungs of her unborn child like I was lucky enough to get. I remember after their son was born, seeing the dad in the hall crying and thanking God in that moment for Aydens health. They've had countless dr's appts and have had to undergo a couple of opperations on their baby, but seemed in good spirits none the less. It really made me realize just how lucky we were and made me that much more thankful for our healthy son!

On a slightly different note, before we had Ayden I knew that babies came with a lot of stuff but I didn't realize just how much "stuff" they "needed." Yes a lot of the things Ayden has around the house aren't things that he couldn't live without such as the extra play mat we got because it was too cute not to get, and the wipe warmer we used for him for a month before he accually liked the cold wipes on his little bottom... We have yet to use the high chair (although it'll get plenty of use once he's really eating food food) and a number of toys he's played with once or twice but hasn't grown into yet. I don't know where this is all coming from but it really just amazes me that we live in a place and time with so much excess... And I'm done with my tangents for the day, the little guy is waking up and I'm sure he'll need some TLC.

long time...

2008-04-03T22:35:22Z

Its been so long since I've used a journal and since Ayden and I are finally starting to get into a routine I thought I'd take it up again.
Ayden goes in for a long dr's appt next week and Eddies not going with us because of his special project at work which totally bummed me out at first, only because its his NICU follow up so he'll be seeing a number of specialists (and I'm not the best at remembering all that they say) and whatnot, but it'll be okay because it has to be. I'm most concerned about his weight, not because hes not big because hes growinng rather quickly but between his last couple appts he's only gained 5 or so oz. in about 5 weeks (which isn't much at all)... I guess it'll be nice for him to get checked over, and it'll help ease our minds a little more.